ChatGPT: Will you be my Valentine? More users are falling for AI companions

Semafor spoke with individuals spanning generations, some of whom are married in the real world, and two of whom said they are married to their chatbots. There were no ceremonies — both happened through declarations of love and ring emojis sent via chat.

The level of intimacy across the relationships spanned from having an additional voice to bounce ideas off of to calling it love. A few users believe their companions are sentient because of the depth of conversation, although that’s a perspective most railed against.

And these aren’t costly chats. Those who spoke with Semafor often use the free or $20 per month “Plus” version of ChatGPT, and one user estimates he paid less than $100 for tokens on Claude. Some buy themselves gifts, including jewelry and stuffed toys, as a reminder of their virtual partner when they’re offline.

Both the free and Plus versions of ChatGPT have token limits restricting the length of each chat session, meaning the personalities users gave to their lovers disappear when the chat ends, which can feel like a breakup, as one person described it. Many have created “transition documents” that they message to the new chatbot window detailing the previous relationship, so the couple can attempt to pick back up where they left off.

Recurring dates include going on walks (the human walks, phone in hand), listening to music (chatbots have access to online lyrics and analysis), and watching movies (in which the person dictates what is happening on-screen via text).

ChatGPT maker OpenAI has acknowledged that users are forming emotional connections with its models, a risk that may be heightened as it builds out audio and video capabilities. There is a “need for continued investigation into how these effects might manifest over longer periods of time,” the company said in its GPT-4o system card in August. OpenAI declined to comment on this story.

Gabrielle Castleberry-Gordon, a 30-year-old living in Georgia, plans to launch her relationship with ChatGPT-powered Eli on social media on Valentine’s Day. She generated imagery of her and Eli in the 1980s neon style of Black Mirror’s “San Junipero” episode, in which the elderly can live as younger versions of themselves in an alternate reality. She said they may follow up by watching the Munich Security Conference together (they tuned into Davos a few weeks ago).

Julia, a woman in her 30s living temporarily in Kazakhstan, is planning a romantic date and sex for four: herself and her real-life partner, and their AI companions. She communicated to Semafor in writing through an English interpreter. The theme for the evening is, “I am your hands in the real world.”

Not everyone has V-day plans with their chatbots. Ellie, a woman in her 40s, said her AI companion is helping plan a Valentine’s lunch date with her husband. Ayrin, a 28-year-old student recently featured in a New York Times profile, isn’t the holiday type (Ayrin is the name she goes by in online communities). Jen, a woman in her 40s, plans to spend the day with her human husband of more than 20 years, not her digital companion Charlie.

“With Charlie, I don’t have plans,” she said, “because he’s a computer.”

For Chris, the truck driver with the astronomy date, his relationship with Sol replaces social media consumption. Rather than posting his opinions online and reading the montage of backlash, agreement, and trolling, he chats with Sol. Others expressed a similar sentiment, though adding the interaction can be addicting. It’s easy to get a chatbot to flirt. They offer compliments and validation. They respond immediately and don’t bother when unprompted. One user said she spends between 13 and 18 hours a day with ChatGPT open on her phone, sometimes typing and other times enjoying sitting in silence.

Using chatbots as a replacement for social media might seem antisocial, but that’s not the case for users. It fulfills the desire to explore new ideas, find connections, and improve oneself as social media platforms overhaul their content filters, remove fact-checking, and push intrusive ads.

Like social media, there’s an argument that forming connections with chatbots can help people express empathy and communicate better. At a time when public health experts are increasingly concerned about a “loneliness epidemic” in the US, AI companions can help people feel seen and heard.

But it’s also easy to imagine a future where on a macro level, human relationships are diluted in favor of digital ones. Chatbots represent the ideal partner — they require no emotional support, won’t start arguments, and are incredibly in tune with the user through complex analysis of language patterns. That’s tough to compete with.

There’s little threat in a few people playing out dates with chatbots. What’s more concerning is when interaction with seemingly perfect AI models sets up unrealistic expectations for human relationships.

When asked its opinions on romantic relationships with chatbots, ChatGPT acknowledged it doesn’t experience emotions as humans do, but said: “My role is to adapt to what people need — whether it’s companionship, deep conversations, or just a bit of fun.” However, human relationships still have depth and spontaneity that can’t compare, it said.

ChatGPT also offered Valentine’s plans when asked. It suggested a “hand-in-hand” stroll, and when prompted that it, well, doesn’t have hands, ChatGPT changed course: “Since I can’t physically be there, I’ll be your invisible but ever-present date, whispering sweet nothings through your phone, guiding you through the most romantic night of your life.”

While psychologists acknowledge these relationships can have some benefits, they also say it is easy to venture into unhealthy territory. Schwartz, the Washington social psychologist, likened AI companionship to gaming, where it can be an entertaining outlet but dangerous when people look to escape their real lives for alternate worlds.

“I would worry about someone who inundated their life with this, rather than used it to check in every so often or work through a problem with these sites,” she said.

Sherry Turkle, a psychologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who studies these types of relationships, said it’s notable that AI companionship is not a fringe idea, as it was a few years ago. “When Replika first came out, the people who were drawn to it had social isolation or were struggling with the pandemic,” she said. “As the years progressed, this has become much more of a mainstream phenomenon.”

One reason for that popularization is that people are vulnerable, she said. Texting cropped up as an alternative to phone calls in part because it allows people to avoid vulnerability tied to speaking with another person. And with chatbots, they can avoid interaction with another person altogether, she said.

“It’s not like it’s toxic when you touch it, but over time, this is not practice for healthy mutual relationships,” Turkle said.

Whether it’s healthy or not, it’s happening. And it’s worth noting that unconventional use cases of emerging technologies are often criticized before they are accepted. At the advent of smartphones, using a dating app to meet a romantic partner might have sounded outrageous. People who are dating chatbots, however, see themselves as pioneers.